Saturday, 15 June 2013

Another stupid suicide note..!

I was watching BBC with a cup of tea in my hand when I read about Jiah Khan's suicide in news headlines. My first reaction was doubtful circumstances. Who commits suicide like this?hanging from the fan..underworld ties maybe, like rest of the stars, that snapped back at her. She wasn't that famous anyways, but sexy yeah. I read and forgot, like we forget many news headlines...people committing suicide owing to poverty, women selling their kids to earn bread and butter for the rest of their siblings, road accidents due to negligence. In short, more of a don't care a fig sort of headline. 

When I went to chat in the evening, Nix asked me if I had heard abt Ziah...who is he?I asked..the bolly actress that worked in Housefull 2..Oh her...hmm ..I did hear about her suicide, don't know why she took that step though...Career debacle what else, Nix replied. But she didnt really make it ever! If it was some A grade actress who had faced a downturn I can understand, but Jiyah...she was just another face, easily substitute able. Nix's silent exuded the words he uttered on my callous reaction and as a clone entered the room, the topic of discussion changed. Later, browsing the net I looked up Jiyah's story and got a recent update...a suicide letter submitted by her mother unveiling the cause of her death. Having nothing better to do, I started on that 6 page suicide letter.
So? why did u say u died? I read again..You committed suicide because...

You had been through certain severe incidences like rape and abortion. But that's long gone....and you did survive it all, right?

Your boyfriend cheated at u...dump that bastard...than die for him?

You couldn't make it as big as you wanted....Life didn't end, did it? You were 26 forsakes!!You still had your chance.

He didn't bring you any gift though you waited so long for him to come back...what???come again???

He was disrespectful to your family, didn't even meet your sister, while you would bring his sister presents from every trip...You stupid stupid gal...should have dumped himmmm You hearing me? should have dumped the fuckerrrrr..!

It doesn't make sense Jiyah. Its a stupid stupid suicide note...maybe all suicide notes are stupid but yes this is the WORST OF EM ALL.Your life was too precious to be wasted on a moron like him. You think they are repenting that they treated you like a door mat? They are cursing you more that you made their lives hell even after leaving this world. You think bollywood cares? You think we care?I care? Nobody does...You are gone and we have the habit of forgetting people who leave. You went without a rapes, abortions, failures, complicated relations are things many gals have to face in life, maybe every fifth one has gone through one or more of these. They don't die, they fight. Like Amanat fought. If given a chance, she would have grabbed life, not thrown it away. How many would have taken you as a gift of God for them, but it was only him that you wanted...He maybe you life Jiyah , but he wasn't worth your life hun.

I feel so agitated, so angry, as tears well up in my eyes...I am angry at her..I am angry at media glamorizing suicides...I'm angry at her family..why couldn't they tell she was being suicidal. This is a society where women live a generally unhappy life. They are molested  physically, socially and psychologically. They have to give a tough fight to just survive..few opt out, thinking its the easy way out..It appears stylish to kick the world goodbye than to cling to life like some spineless worthless creature....all that just cause they don't know what happens after they kick that chair under them, after they cut their wrists and let the blood gush out, after they drink it, swallow it, blow it.. I know what happens. Its this horrific excruciating  pain of life getting scalped out of your body drop by drop, breath by breath..They don't show it on television, they didn't show it in dirty picture, or in any other movie like that, coz they cant. They cant show the remorse of that one moment where you realize everything could have been taken better give more time...the longing for that one chance, last chance to cling on to life. The chance they never get..

Jiyah's eyes are closed like many others. People may never see that regret, that hunger of one moment in her eyes..that is what I fear. I want every person to look at that in order to realize the real worth of their lives.I had my chance, many don't.

Cling on to life like a beggar. Please. This is what I want to tell, shout it out to all who are listening...DO NOT GIVE UP...DO NOT DIE ..I don't want to read another stupid suicide note...plz don't die.


  1. "To be, or not to be: that is the question:
    Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
    Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
    And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;"

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. *That's the first thing that came into mind, then came a big sigh. Like you said, I also believe in not giving up. I wish that people would notice when someone is becoming suicidal, and I wish that they could show that person that there is always reason to live and endure.

    3. True...I dnt know about India, but in Pakistan there are no suicide helpline that could extend psychological support and consultancy even if temporary.

  2. halke halke, pardon mein,
    yahan rona achcha lagta hai
    roshni jo deta ho to
    dil jalana achcha lagta hai
    ek pal sahi, umr bhar use
    saath rakhta angira..
    zindagi se phir ek vaada maine kar liya re..
    jiya re jiya re, jiya re jiya re...

  3. If people commit suicide for those reasons, I should have done that a long time back.

    On a serious note, identifying a person who is being suicidal is a tough task. And then if someone were found with a thought, I think its against the law and people are sent to loony bin or something like that.

    And my heart goes to the closing lines where you say about not giving up. That a generous plea from your end and I too am on the same page with you on this.

  4. Mothers have some device installed in their hearts that informs them if something is wrong with the child...just wondering how could she miss it

  5. Dying for someone is good. Yes!! Don't sigh here. I am not at all suicidal. I have through so many tough situation in my life from every side that I don't think my life can ever get any worse than that. But as I said earlier, dying for someone is good only when the person needs your life desperately to save his or her life. But if you are dying for someone who doesn't bother about your existence then please, don't waste your life. Give it to me. I know many people who will grateful even with an month extended into their life.

    1. You are so right.. I met someone fairly suicidal once and I told her the same...wanna die in style, dedicate your life to the welfare of others.

      Its women like you who should be the role models for our society. Wish she could have met someone like you. I feel such immense grief at her untimely death and yet there are more that we never know of.

  6. for me..people doing suicides are most selfish person in the world..a little time thinking for others reliefs one from thinking his own problems..why only you...why u think only for yourself..only your problems..Serving others makes one's mind light, creates positive energy..Selfish people are always worried..lose positive energy and hence suicide.