I was watching BBC with a cup of tea in my hand when I read about Jiah Khan's suicide in news headlines. My first reaction was doubtful circumstances. Who commits suicide like this?hanging from the fan..underworld ties maybe, like rest of the stars, that snapped back at her. She wasn't that famous anyways, but sexy yeah. I read and forgot, like we forget many news headlines...people committing suicide owing to poverty, women selling their kids to earn bread and butter for the rest of their siblings, road accidents due to negligence. In short, more of a don't care a fig sort of headline.
When I went to chat in the evening, Nix asked me if I had heard abt Ziah...who is he?I asked..the bolly actress that worked in Housefull 2..Oh her...hmm ..I did hear about her suicide, don't know why she took that step though...Career debacle what else, Nix replied. But she didnt really make it big..like ever! If it was some A grade actress who had faced a downturn I can understand, but Jiyah...she was just another face, easily substitute able. Nix's silent exuded the words he uttered on my callous reaction and as a clone entered the room, the topic of discussion changed. Later, browsing the net I looked up Jiyah's story and got a recent update...a suicide letter submitted by her mother unveiling the cause of her death. Having nothing better to do, I started on that 6 page suicide letter.
So? why did u say u died? I read again..You committed suicide because...
You had been through certain severe incidences like rape and abortion. But that's long gone....and you did survive it all, right?
Your boyfriend cheated at u...dump that bastard...than die for him?
You couldn't make it as big as you wanted....Life didn't end, did it? You were 26 forsakes!!You still had your chance.
He didn't bring you any gift though you waited so long for him to come back...what???come again???
He was disrespectful to your family, didn't even meet your sister, while you would bring his sister presents from every trip...You stupid stupid gal...should have dumped himmmm You hearing me? should have dumped the fuckerrrrr..!
It doesn't make sense Jiyah. Its a stupid stupid suicide note...maybe all suicide notes are stupid but yes this is the WORST OF EM ALL.Your life was too precious to be wasted on a moron like him. You think they are repenting that they treated you like a door mat? They are cursing you more that you made their lives hell even after leaving this world. You think bollywood cares? You think we care?I care? Nobody does...You are gone and we have the habit of forgetting people who leave. You went without a fight..date rapes, abortions, failures, complicated relations are things many gals have to face in life, maybe every fifth one has gone through one or more of these. They don't die, they fight. Like Amanat fought. If given a chance, she would have grabbed life, not thrown it away. How many would have taken you as a gift of God for them, but it was only him that you wanted...He maybe you life Jiyah , but he wasn't worth your life hun.
I feel so agitated, so angry, as tears well up in my eyes...I am angry at her..I am angry at media glamorizing suicides...I'm angry at her family..why couldn't they tell she was being suicidal. This is a society where women live a generally unhappy life. They are molested physically, socially and psychologically. They have to give a tough fight to just survive..few opt out, thinking its the easy way out..It appears stylish to kick the world goodbye than to cling to life like some spineless worthless creature....all that just cause they don't know what happens after they kick that chair under them, after they cut their wrists and let the blood gush out, after they drink it, swallow it, blow it.. I know what happens. Its this horrific excruciating pain of life getting scalped out of your body drop by drop, breath by breath..They don't show it on television, they didn't show it in dirty picture, or in any other movie like that, coz they cant. They cant show the remorse of that one moment where you realize everything could have been taken better give more time...the longing for that one chance, last chance to cling on to life. The chance they never get..
Jiyah's eyes are closed like many others. People may never see that regret, that hunger of one moment in her eyes..that is what I fear. I want every person to look at that in order to realize the real worth of their lives.I had my chance, many don't.
Cling on to life like a beggar. Please. This is what I want to tell, shout it out to all who are listening...DO NOT GIVE UP...DO NOT DIE ..I don't want to read another stupid suicide note...plz don't die.