Catch - 22

To the aggravated disappointment of many  and pleasure of rest, I am not dead ! I was just a little inactive. ...and obviously on campus again. The only time I think about updating my blog is when I am running short of time on some important assignment. With that open in another window I keep on thuk thukaying the keyboard...and in the lab full of students, im the most thuk thukata person who seems to be raping the keyboard with full commitment. If my keyboard could speak I could have put together a new symphony of ooh..aah..ouchs...til it cried Khuda k liye bas kr now. 

Well, anything to drift my mind away from bitchy thoughts. Yes, I m gonna play again the villain as soon as them lot start presenting their research proposals....I dont want to do this though...but its like those weird wars inside ones own head that maybe Franz Kafika could write about and I cant write about. In short, Im going to do ''constructive criticism'' on my class mate's research proposals..''helping them'' to clarify their research direction and ''suggesting ''appropriate means of doing so by ''identifying'' suitable research techniques...Bullshit...Im doing it coz class participation got marks and the more I make them look bad the more I gain on my portfolio. B!tch ...hai na???  told ya....

How about bribing myself with a doughnut n a ribena? Im thinking, that may silence me for some time....Hah, it gets more complex now, engaging in a war within, reporting on it n presenting and accepting bribes to ones own self...calls for Kafika only..keep the reinforcement going guddi, I tell myself. There are so many people who do so much good to me, I should be able to reciprocate the society back....but then, it is actually helping them. Ignore my motives, still im going to only identify the flaws that are already there, nothing im creating by my own imagination....will though I woud still have to face the chitti kaali 'oh I hate u so much that I can burn you alive by just staring at you ' looks and 'Die Die Die' glares. Eve was so disappointed at being called to present before me last week that she finally voiced it..'the only group that is safe from HER is her blood group'. Oh well...

Being nice is boring.. I have been nice to them, but I want to do what I feel now...just being true to my own self...I feel so like the wicked witch in fairy tales, the one with a prada hat and a nose job turned bad....that is maybe the reason she would have given to herself...that she is being true to her self only, trying to fulfill her desires and not caring for a damned thing in the world.

The only difference in her and me is that despite my black heart and dark intentions, some do like me ..Norhim does, dunno why, he just assumed his position as a good friend, a brother,  a partner in crime,  as soon as we met. Then the Iranis of course.....they take pleasure in chanting my name aloud in chorus whenever they see me. Even if its in the class break, they would pretend they are meeting me after ages. One day while walking to the bank it occured to me that the group of protesters in front of GSM demanding the university to bring its tuition costs down were chanting my name...wth..!.now  I am responsible for the increase in costs of education also? then only I noticed it wasn't actually them, the voices were coming from  above, from the top floor of GSM, where the Iranis were hanging three fourth bodies down, calling my name. When I waved back at them , they changed the tune n started dancing to it.. :s and then of course there s Saif...the fat kiddo...a cute little guy who goes all starry eyes n melts down wid shyness whenever he sees me...I can swear at times I have seen him shrink at just my sight...cute lil smurf..!. Last but not the least Im the favorite foreigner of  the powerpuff gals ! They not only always offer me snacks n coffee at the break but also teach me all obscure words and vernacular slang in their native language.

so

maybe

now that I want to acheive a balance between my rational bitchy self and my irrational decent self, I can spare the ones I  like, but  Kavita bhenji, Francis and Eve u three are doomed. Kavita for standing next to Prof. in group photo when I had a crush on him, Francis for cheating from me in exam n yet securing better marks and Eve coz I want my victims to be in odd number...:P

Leaving now...gotta make a few people curse me :D     !!!SHOW TIME!!!